Peace... today is the 2nd Sunday in advent. I have loved focusing on the words or advent over the past years- especially as I was leading youth group and each Sunday we did activities to help us focus and experience each week.
Hope was easy. We always talked about bringing hope to others through helping those in need- Salvation Army bell ringing, making cards for people, etc. But, this year advent started out differently. It was just over 2 weeks ago when we found out my dad had 3 brain tumors.
Last Sunday, the 1st Sunday of advent, my focus of hope was on bringing hope to reality as we brought my dad home from hospice house. I had seen the look of hope in his eyes as he told me he wanted to go home and as we promised him that we would bring him home. We were blessed to make that happen.
Each year, leading the youth, peace was always different. There were always so many directions we could go- peace in the world, peace and forgiveness, peace and quiet time with God, the list goes on.
Every year for birthdays and Christmas my sister and I would ask my dad what he wanted. He would smile and say "peace and quiet". We would laugh and say that it was impossible and that he had to choose something else. (except for the year my sister got him 2 fish and named them peace and quiet)
Tonight, the 2nd Sunday in advent has a whole new existence in my mind and heart. This week, I watched my dad go from being able to talk to not responding, seeing him in pain, and knowing things would never be the same. They say hearing is the last sense to go. So, I talked, I read scripture, I played music, and I told him I loved him... a lot. I'm not sure if it was more to comfort my dad or me. As much as I saw him fading away, I felt him holding on. He didn't want to leave my mom. He wanted to take care of her, to be with her, to always help her through her illness. He held on as long as he could.
It's so quiet. For 2 weeks I've been listening to him breathe, listening to the hum of the oxygen, and now they're both silent. Tonight, he is at peace. He's no longer in pain, no longer worried. He's with Jesus.
I prayed for peace for him, asked others to pray for peace for him, told my dad all we wanted was for him to be at peace. Honestly, the instant he was gone I wanted to take it back, to tell my dad I was wrong and that he couldn't go because I wasn't going to be ok like I promised him I would. I'm not ok. But, I love my dad more than the pain of this moment. And, the promise of his peace and thinking of the amazing moment when he reached heaven will get me through and eventually, I will feel more peace than pain.
So, where was God today? He was welcoming my dad to heaven and showing him the place He prepared for him.
Blessings,
Jennifer
Hope was easy. We always talked about bringing hope to others through helping those in need- Salvation Army bell ringing, making cards for people, etc. But, this year advent started out differently. It was just over 2 weeks ago when we found out my dad had 3 brain tumors.
Last Sunday, the 1st Sunday of advent, my focus of hope was on bringing hope to reality as we brought my dad home from hospice house. I had seen the look of hope in his eyes as he told me he wanted to go home and as we promised him that we would bring him home. We were blessed to make that happen.
Each year, leading the youth, peace was always different. There were always so many directions we could go- peace in the world, peace and forgiveness, peace and quiet time with God, the list goes on.
Every year for birthdays and Christmas my sister and I would ask my dad what he wanted. He would smile and say "peace and quiet". We would laugh and say that it was impossible and that he had to choose something else. (except for the year my sister got him 2 fish and named them peace and quiet)
Tonight, the 2nd Sunday in advent has a whole new existence in my mind and heart. This week, I watched my dad go from being able to talk to not responding, seeing him in pain, and knowing things would never be the same. They say hearing is the last sense to go. So, I talked, I read scripture, I played music, and I told him I loved him... a lot. I'm not sure if it was more to comfort my dad or me. As much as I saw him fading away, I felt him holding on. He didn't want to leave my mom. He wanted to take care of her, to be with her, to always help her through her illness. He held on as long as he could.
It's so quiet. For 2 weeks I've been listening to him breathe, listening to the hum of the oxygen, and now they're both silent. Tonight, he is at peace. He's no longer in pain, no longer worried. He's with Jesus.
I prayed for peace for him, asked others to pray for peace for him, told my dad all we wanted was for him to be at peace. Honestly, the instant he was gone I wanted to take it back, to tell my dad I was wrong and that he couldn't go because I wasn't going to be ok like I promised him I would. I'm not ok. But, I love my dad more than the pain of this moment. And, the promise of his peace and thinking of the amazing moment when he reached heaven will get me through and eventually, I will feel more peace than pain.
So, where was God today? He was welcoming my dad to heaven and showing him the place He prepared for him.
Blessings,
Jennifer
That was was so beautiful. God bless you Jennifer
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this beautiful account of your dad. God bless you Jen. Love you. - Marguerite
ReplyDeleteMay your father and family be blessed. Your father's crossing over to be with Lord Jesus is a celebration of glory in the life that he lived and the love has given to you and your family. It was pleasure to have known him. I am at your service for any needs you may have at this time.
ReplyDelete